Thanksgiving’s Mixed Emotions

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Each year, Thanksgiving arrives with the changing scenery.

We know it is coming by the turning of the leaves. For some it feels like it comes too quickly. Wasn’t it just summer? Sometimes it feels like it is long overdue. Some long to celebrate with others. When Thanksgiving does arrive, it is sure to evoke mixed emotions in all of us.

This year, some people are having a hard time feeling grateful when we see images of war in the news — women, men and children being attacked or in trenches during bomb blasts. A year has passed since Middle East tensions escalated and the end of this battle feels further away than ever. It is hard to feel grateful when others suffer so profoundly.

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At Thanksgiving, some feel great excitement at the return of a student who has been away at school. The joy of reunion.

Some feel worried about a parent or friend who is in hospital or long-term care. The uncertainty of the future.

Some feel anxiety about gathering friends and family around the table, worried that controversial topics will arise and conflict will ensue. The unpredictability of diverse thought.

Some are grieving the empty place at the table and the memories of previous celebrations overwhelm and dampen moods. The reality of loss.

Some are filled with deep gratitude for health and hope and promise. The joy of good fortune. Indeed, mixed emotions emerge at Thanksgiving.

All this being said, I wonder if the greatest thing we can do is welcome the mixed or difficult emotions as a gift. Yes, a gift.
I have observed lately that we spend a lot of time in life ignoring, denying, and numbing ourselves so we don’t acknowledge the rich and difficult emotions life presents. We feel we can only show up at gatherings if all is well. Most of us seek to project only happy, joyful emotions in public space and we suppress difficult emotions when we are asked to gather. I say dare to feel, dare to express, dare to display the emotions that are truly in your heart this Thanksgiving, be they joyful or hurtful.

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Throughout the month of October, we at Hillhurst United are exploring the movie Inside Out 2, a movie that looks at the emotions of anxiety, embarrassment, envy and ennui as experienced by pubescent Riley. These emotions appear randomly as Riley struggles to cope with adolescence. These emotions also appear randomly in all of us as we struggle to cope with our own reality.

Is it wrong to experience ennui at your family Thanksgiving dinner? Is it bad to have anxiety about being face to face with an estranged relative? Is it abnormal to be envious of your financially successful sibling? The answer to all of these questions is NO! All of those feelings are valued and should be acknowledged.

Research suggests they are actually a “present guest” at Thanksgiving celebrations. These difficult emotions emerge and they call us to pay attention, to wake up, to be present to them so that we can be fully grateful for all of life, not just thankful when life is smooth sailing.

Facing these emotions and being curious about how we are really feeling, actually lessens their negative power and instils a sense of gratitude. Being willing to share with another regardless of your whereabouts, deepens connection. This helps us accept and love ourselves and in turn love others. This attention leads us to live from our Core Self, our True Self, the original blessing we each are. This practice requires a willingness to recognize, allow, investigate the feelings and nurture ourselves when times of stress arise.

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In his book No Bad Parts, Dr. Richard Schwartz suggests that we are all multiple personalities and we need to understand the different parts of us, not just the good parts. This attention through mindfulness allows us to humanize and lessen the stress many will experience when life gets difficult.

Thanksgiving is a time to connect with the gratitude we each have at our core. The best thing we can do when the stress of the season comes is to allow our true feelings to be seen and heard; it is to breathe into them and trust ourselves to live from our Truest Self, a place of compassion, curiosity, playfulness and joy.

So, whether this Thanksgiving weekend brings you joyfulness, happiness, anxiety, embarrassment, envy, ennui or any other emotion, take a deep breath, centre yourself and allow gratitude to arise from within you. Celebrate the mixed emotions that this Thanksgiving weekend undoubtedly brings.

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